Monday, April 27, 2009

I wrote this while looking at an angel

I wrote this while staring into an angel. If your breath has been taken away by beauty, you should understand how I feel or what I'm saying.

She only shows us one side of her face
so I'm searching for the other.
A tale of exploration told with a dream.
Through her eye I see
-the calmest of ocean.
Climbing delicately up the side
-the smoothest petal.
Only to nick her lips
-and feel all the color.
Maybe destiny, will smile
and lift hearts like her.
Or maybe my fears will melt
for longer than when she speaks...

A Poem from a couple months ago...

... that I found on my floor while cleaning my room.

______

And her windows all scratched up
-from the rocks I've thrown.
And if I can't escape
-I'll just leave and hope.
And dream freedom from my mind
-a better place to call home.
And this isn't good-bye
-it's not suicide but if
and when I die I'm free.
-So why fear it?

Today wasn't anything special

Today at my sister massage school there were free 15 minute massages. So I went with my mother and got one. Everyone there seemed really happy to be alive, me not so much. It was at 10, which means I had to get up at 8. I'm not a morning person. As soon as my mother and I walked in the head director was greeting us. He handed us clip boards and with basic questions about health and health goals we had. When we finished my sister took my mom into the room with all the massage chairs. Then the girl that was going to give me a massage came and got me. The girl that gave me my massage was stunning. She is also a model. There was a table in the middle of the room elegantly decorated. It had a small stereo and was playing soft jazz music. It took a minute to re adjust the chair for me, but once it was right it was amazing. I felt so good afterward. I wanted to go back to sleep. I didn't tell the lady that I have no nerve ending on the left side of my body. It's been that way since my lung surgery in 2007. I can feel pressure though, so it still felt good.
I had math class today. If you like math, good for you. I don't like it. It's not fun, it's not entertaining, it's not exciting. I left early. I go to Portland Community College, and I hate it. The building are poorly decorated, solid concrete masses. I feel like I'm in an internment camp whan I'm there.
After school, I worked on my car. Took Maddie (Brittany's dog) on a walk. And got my new work schedule. And did my homework. A pretty average day. I'll put more up about my thoughts on things later. right now I'm trying to grasp reality. I have a dissociation disorder. It hasn't bothered me for a few months now. Not since I lived in Idaho, but now it's decided to resurface.
(If my grammar is wrong, or sentences don't seem complete, I apologize.)

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The First Day of Many

Today is the first day of my blogging experience. Everyone has one of these first day things, and I know that's general, but I don't care. Writing is one of the best ways to find purpose. It helps us find meaning in things, helps us decide what we really want to do. If you ever question something, start writing about it. write an essay on it. You might find that you don't think what you thought you thought.
I don't have enough time to update you with what's happened in my past, so this will primarily focus on the present and future.
Today I'm 21 and week and a half. That sounds funny, but it's accurate. Today I took my mother to church. She had brain surgery and has been recovering fine. But since the surgery she hasn't been able to sit in one place for a long period of time. So we only stayed for a little bit.
Do you ever think of something to say, and then when you sit down to write it, you forget the words? Or you lose the nerve you had? That's what's happening to me. I have a voice recorder for just that problem, but it doesn't help me with this particular blog.
I'll be right back...
ok I'm back. I went to see my girlfriend on her break at work.
So the title of this blog is "Autobiography of a "Normal" Guy". This is because I think I'm a pretty normal guy. And as far as I know, there is no autobiography by a normal guy going through life... I'd hope that you realize there is no normal. That everyone has something that sets their life apart from another's.
Today is the first day of my story. And here is what you should know ahead of time: I have a girlfriend named brittany, I live with my parents, I have a job and go to school at community college, I used to attend a university, I'm not sure what I want to do with my life yet. What do you want to do with your's?